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The Clock On The Wall.
I am bored beyond fucking belief and it's only 10 AM. That's never a good sign. I want to go blend into an art museum, but I have to wait until my clothes are dry. And that's gonna be another two hours I'd imagine. And I'm just not in a mindset to be creative. I feel choked by apathy and boredom. There's so much I NEED to be doing, but I can't bring myself to do it.
But, I'm beginning to think it's time I go check out a therapist. What with Thursday's shenanigans, and my general lack of drive to bother living, it's probably about time.
It's The Unexpected
Who woulda thunk it?
Make Mine An Addendum
I also hate the fact that it's a perfect good rainy day, and I can't be at home refusing to move from my bed.
Kill Me So That I May Die.
Things I hate:
1) Fights with friends.
2) The fact that fall forgot to come visit us this year, and winter is already here.
3) Cabbage
4) Pretentious artist types who you can tell have a model to follow when they dress.
5) Nazis
6) My job.
7) How you have to end up being awkward around people you had fights with until the groove is found again.
The Fashion Police Will Be My Demise.
I bought shoes:
Pirate Fashion
They are for my trip up to Chicago to see Lion King on Broadway. I decided that yes, I will dress up, but only if I do it my way.
Now I need (aside from a new keyboard at work, because, wow, this one lacks the ability to type well) is a pinstrip suit. EBay had some, but nothing in my size. At least, not affordable. Why are suits so expensive? I mean, sweet jeebus, 1200 dollars? Please!
It's A Period. It's A Point.
I'm bad at the serious parts of friendship. At what point do you apologize too much for the argument you get in? I'm bad at adult relationships. I know people have differences, and you're allowed to talk about them and have negative feelings, and then move on. But I'm always concerned people will not be my friend because of all of it. Or they'll look at me differently and we'll never be the same.
So, on the off chance that the person who this all concerns reads this, I'm sorry I'm a neurotic mess, and I'm sorry I'm apologizing for legitimate feelings. It's just the only way I know how to handle it.
Apologies and jokes. I flunked out of being serious.
Anger Through My Eyes.
And, I don't need some fucking librarian to tell me she knows artists take things personally (right after telling me that the teen newsletter is being postponed), but that's why you have to grow a thick skin. Thanks. Thanks for the FYI. Christ. I hate this place. It will take everything I have as a person to bring myself through these doors.
I don't trust anybody. I feel alone. I hate feeling this way. I should be able to trust people. But, every time I try, something else happens.
I call someone to rant about the fucking ridiculousness of it all, and I'm so angry that I have to fight back tears? My life shouldn't involve that.
Fuck it all.
Animal. It's A Party.
Oh. Party was good. AH was happy. It was good to not care about anything but having fun. And eating. Thanks to MF for picking up the milk and coming out in general. And SS came out, too. I'm happy. I do so love my friends.
I Sleep, If Only In My Dreams.
Couple small bits that were on my mind. Wanted to get it out before I end up spending my night dreaming about it, as I tend to do, because I'm off the nightmare/insomniac/manic type.
Good news. Just watched Angel. What a weird difference a promise to change your entire show makes. There were hints of old Angel seriousness in there, followed by a LOT of quippy goofy Buffy goodness in there. But, I liked it. Maybe it's the Buffy-shaped hole in my viewing schedule, but it was good to have characters back like that.
And I didn't hate Spike. It looks like he's back to Spike I like, and not Season 7 mopey Spike. But it bugs me that the WB is making the entire show look like a hip comedy.
I was also healthily bummed out tonight when AH told me that her husband prefers not to have me paint a mural for the wee babies, as he's not much a fan of Dr. Seuss, and apparently wants some yuppie Naperville artist to do the murals. Whatever. She asked me not to take it personally, but that's impossible, as any artist whose art is refused takes it personally. It's part of nature. And I know my painting skills are about as rusty as they can be. I want to practice. I need to find space to practice. I just hope she has some say in the whole thing. And it's not all him.
I just don't want to be the useless friend to the family. I'm poor. I can't buy the kids stuff. I'm the artist who has only his wares to offer.
And finding out he's already concerned that she won't lose the weight she's putting on? Makes me want to grab him, shake him, and tell him how to do it all right. You don't do that. You tell her (her being your pregnant wife, whether it be AH or any pregnant woman) that she's amazing. She's beautiful. She's stronger than you'll ever be. And that's she's doing this makes you love her even more. You don't voice your concern about her weight. You don't stress her out. You make her life as easy as possible. It stops being about you.
And yet, I'm single.
People make me angry. Inside I quake with it.
It's A Strike Against You. And I'm Counting.
I hate sports. All of them. Well. Most of them. European World Cup Soccer is amazing. It's like a ballet. People complaining about the fact that no one scores is ridiculous. No one scoring shows just how good those people are at the game. Other sports would be a lot more interesting if American sports stars were that good at their respective sports.
But. I have a new reason to hate sports. Being a confessed Joss Whedon-i-verse lover, I anger and quake that WGN is preempting Angel and real television for annoying sports playoffs. Baseball can rot in a fiery hell with all the other sports.
Thank you.
Dun Dun Dunnnnn.
My life has been full of business. Cake baking business. School business. Making sure AH is okay business. It's been crazy. I haven't had time to sit down and do much else of anything. But tonight we're partying for AH's birthday. Mexican food. Peanut Butter Crunch Bars (homemade). And of coure MM's now infamous Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake goodness. I even decorated the top of the cake. We have photos somewhere.
And tomorrow is Eddie Izzard. That's gonna be fun times.
I spent the majority of the day yesterday yelling at people to make sure there was no baby shower for AH (who I can finally say is "with child" or "with children" in this case). I probably took it all too seriously, but I know how obnoxious our staff can be where babies are concerned, and I wanted to make sure AH had the quiet and subdued reaction she wanted.
Plus. Yelling at people? Fun.
Only ran into one problem person, who I can only hope was trying to get me mad. And it worked. Because, if the person with the baby, does not WANT a shower. You do not GIVE a shower because it ruins "YOUR" fun. It's not about you. It's about the pregnant lady at this point.
Dammit.
It's The Past. It's Creeping.
Eighties fun minus the majority of one hit wonders. If anyone wants a copy, drop me a line.
1. Oingo Boingo - Weird Science
2. Violent Femmes - Gone Daddy Gone
3. Tom Petty - American Girl
4. Love Spit Love - Am I Wrong?
5. Modern English - I Melt With You
6. Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush - Don't Give Up
7. The Primitives - Crash
8. Dead Milkmen - Punk Rock Girl
9. Elvis Costello - Everyday I Write The Book
10. Housemartins - Happy Hour
11. Dexy’s Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen
12. Duran Duran - Girls On Film
13. The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again
14. Talk Talk - Talk Talk
15. The Cure - Why Can't I Be You?
16. XTC - The Mayor Of Simpleton
17. Misfits - American Nightmare
18. The Police - Can't Stand Losing You
19. Talking Heads - Wild Wild Life
20. They Might Be Giants - Don't Let's Start
21. Wang Chung - Dance Hall Days
22. R.E.M. - Hair Shirt
It's The Song That Matters
A little bit of sad comp CD for MF:
i knew these people - ry cooder
tommib - squarepusher
i still can't say her name - joe pernice
hollow room - of montreal
song to the siren - this mortal coil
honey and the moon - joseph arthur
narcolepsy - ben folds five
titanic hymn (autumn) all strings - gavin bryars
lost cause - beck
am i wrong - love spit love
everybody hurts - r.e.m.
fade into you - mazzy star
don't give up - peter gabriel & kate bush
hurt - johnny cash
i just want to meet the man - robbie fulks
karma police - radiohead
girls - death in vegas
i've got dreams to remember - oh susanna
I've got to work on an 80's comp for CF from work now. I wasn't expecting her to ask for one. Threw me off. But it'll be good 80s. Misfits. Dead Milkmen. Stuff like that.
My Head Is On Fire With Passionate Love
Hair dying today. Head on fire. "Extreme FX" red was the only non permanent hair color we could find. "Extreme" is a rather loose description, as since I don't have blonde hair, it looks like normal red.
We'll see.
Hopefully my hair doesn't fall out.
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